Another week and we’ll be two years old. Alright, so there’s some things I need to get off my chest before I can continue wit’ dis new year here. 2007 was a BAD year for me. It was full of intentions and second guessing myself, not enough follow through and worrying ’bout what I write. I don’t mean to get all emo and shit, just need to clean off my plate.
It all started just over a year ago. After seeing Simplon Pass, Oklahoma Snorkel, and Intersections at the end of 2006 I realized I was a liar. These shows that I was calling GREAT, that I was getting excited over, I wasn’t critically analyzing them. These were shows that I liked, stuff I wished I could make and Art I wanted look at. I didn’t think that was fair to the other shows I was going to. That’s one reason the 07 SeeSawS didn’t start ’til ten months into the year. I wasn’t comfortable rating shows knowing it was just my personal taste. That lead to hitting the same venues more regularly without equal time to offbeat sites. I claimed to try to see everything in town, didn’t I?
But I like to think I see a bigger picture. I started this thing here by answering a call. I hit the right notes. Got my songs on the radio. But I was only one voice in a crowd. I needed to take it to the next level and continue to show you that it isn’t hard to have what we want. Things can happen with no budget on the internet. You just got to commit to it. So I decided to add to my arsenal. Here’s where all of my intentions start coming into play. While fretting over the rating system, I started plotting on doing something extra special for the Texas Biennial. With a blog, I can show up first to the party. Using the web to create an indexed record through writing and photography. But to have a longer affect, to create a tactile experience to something that would end in six weeks’ time, I need something more real. A book reviewing and documenting the event with writing and photography would keep me at the party the longest. So I set it all up. A schedule was created for designing a book template, going to the openings and photographing the evenings, uploading photos to Flickr, jotting down thoughts, fleshing out opinions and sending the finished PDF to Lulu.com.
It didn’t happen.
I managed to accomplish some of the things. I whipped up a quick book sample, showed you a couple of scribbles and brought you Sites Beyond Sight. Then shit happened. Life happened. Computer crashed, car needs attention, exhaustion sets in, living costs go up, income stays flat. At the same time, I wanted to hit you offline with another product. Podcasts and art radio start stealing some of my attention. As I was losing feedback here, I was attracted to the human interaction through voice. SeeSawS were supposed to kick new flava’ in ya’ ear. Plus that would free up my writing to focus on better, more thorough reviews. Like the Biennial review book. But I want to finish one project before I jump to the next. Next thing I know, it’s August. Another reason SeeSawS didn’t show up before October. Then I sees not one, not two, but three books get published.
The only thing that seemed to motivate me enough to write was money. Lookin’ back is kinda scary. I was spittin’ lines solo for the Chronicle during the summer. As if I wasn’t having enough trouble, I start going through identity crisis (yet again). Who am I? What’s my motivation? If I’m the only one turning in reviews, then what’s expected of me? Am I to write as a journalist, reporting on the comings and goings of institutions? Am I to write as a reporter, identifying problems and spotlighting talent? Am I truly a critic, laying down some perspective? But I just want to write reviews the best that I can. I like the wordplay. I create with my writing. After all, I used to be an aspiring artist. The energy I put into my print reviews didn’t leave enough to come here and retread on shows that had been long gone. Another delay for SeeSawS.
But don’t cry fer me. A couple hours of sleep and hanging out with the ’boutlings refueled me just enough to keep on going. I also got lots of inspiration from my hometown homeboy, Common. When others were jumping ship, I was boarding. Common’s sharp, yet flowing wordplay is poetic. I wanna rhyme like Common. I wanna push what I do to you too, to show you what I do is pushin’ the uncommon too. Slowly I came to agree that I’m not hatin’. I’m peelin’ away at these art shows to find a connection. Sometimes the wavelengths are synchronous. Sometimes they’re all over the charts. So Common’s lyrics became my statement and guide post.
I don’t know if this really counts as making New Year resolutions, but I’m seeing 2008 as a reboot of last year. I need to give myself more time to finish work. “Thou art a villain”**, time! Maybe let other people help. I think sleep will also help. I’ll probably update the ‘Bout Page and move backward through topics I promised to return to. The Houston post will pop up soon. Which reminds me, I’ll be in Fort Worth early next week. I don’t expect to, but I may do some gallery hopping while up there.
I’ll tell you ’bout what I sees.
PS: Somebody save me! I think I may be a writer trapped inside an artist’s body! And the artist wants control.
**my favorite line in Romeo and Juliet.